When I was a child I use to dream… I use to dream of things that were not so obtainable.. I use to think of living on a rainbow, or dream of sleeping on clouds..Other Kingdoms by far seemed best. I use to dream of the perfect man, the perfect place, the perfect life…I find now that the perfect life is what I create. After feeling so alone while pretending to be with someone, I find, that I was better alone. I needed no special one, nobody to serve. It was all a ploy to myself. By giving myself completely, I thought I was somehow making someone else feel better, perhaps doing some right for them..What a strange concept.. I find now that I need to focus on the furture and that I can do things on my own. I am not happy with who I was, I am not happy with what I became, but I am happy with where I am going and who I am becoming.
No more!!
No more will I fall to the whims of another. No more will I compromise for someone else to be happy when there is no way for them to ever be happy with me.
I find some difficulties in this blog because I know however badly I want to post it, I will never find the courage to do so. I find it weird that I, the girl never lacking for speaking her mind, finds it hard to write her thoughts. Oh so many things I want to say, yet the words escape me..
UPDATE: Life does tend to take its turns. In those turns you learn more, gain courage, find some knowledge, and wisdom. I have decided to post this afterall. I am a new person, a different girl, yet the same. I have not learned how not to fall, but to keep my steps light, my eyes open and to understand I am walking over a beautifully laid gravel road. 