Wild Irish Fairy Tales

I lay in bed thinking about so many things. Thoughts fill my mind, flooding in like a deep hole in a massive thunderstorm. I think of a certain person in my life that I just can’t escape. Perhaps because I shouldn’t try to escape, or perhaps because I was, for some reason, suppose to be tied to.
I have had a few loves in my life. I have lost a few loves in my life. I have done wrong and been done wrong. I have loved and not had the love returned, as I have been loved and not returned the love…. this is different!!
I have never shared such things with any man as I have with this one man. I have shared many things with other men that I have not with this one man..Yet, I feel tied to him. He that I have been so honest with, so honest that I question myself on why. Sometimes men just don’t want/need to know the honesty…
Why would I be so honest knowing that it isn’t good? Why would I bare my soul to someone that doesn’t get it, that doesn’t understand that he has known more of me than any person ever could or would.
Simply…Because it is how it is suppose to be!

Because it feels right!!
He doesn’t really claim to be in love with me, when asked if I am his he simply shrugs me off…yet the simple things he does, shows he does have a love for me.

“A Love”

I only wish he knew how much love it took for me to be so completely open with him. I wonder if I am wrong to do so, but then I think, how else would I be with such a wonderful man. I have never been a good and honest person with any of my past loves.
Now don’t get me wrong, I haven’t been unfaithful or lied, I have just simply avoided and answered like a riddle. I have answered questions but not directly or I side step them and don’t really answer them at all…Not with him, I feel like I can be brutally honest…Is that so bad?
I know in my heart he is a good man, and I feel, for some unknown reason, this man needs me to be honest. I don’t know if it is God, or what, that has provoked me to such a lack of mystery that I would play for any other man. Something greater than myself has given me the stregth to be completely and brutally honest…

I am thankful!

Have you ever had someone give you their thoughts, desires and feelings? Do they call you when they are feeling blue and when they’re feeling good?

When someone trusts you with their heart you should take care of it. You should hold it and embrace it. You should never judge or persecute. You should always take care of that person and hold them close to your heart.

I’ve opened myself just a little before and had it trampled on… Sorry, I’m not the one for that game. I’ve also had men open themselves up to me without me feeling love in return.

Plain and simple. We want what we don’t have. When we have it we hurt, manipulate and play games with one another. Now I know there are the exceptions. I’ve seen them. I’m trying to be one right now but should it really be so much work?

We want our partners to be jealous. We want our partners to feel angry. We want to evoke emotion. We want our partners to be passionate. If they aren’t passionate about us then who. We’ll do things to make them angry. We’ll do things to make them jealous. We trample on their self esteem.

As humans we need love, commitment and passion. Maybe not even with a partner but we do need it somewhere in our lives.

As humans we will do what we need to achieve this in one way shape or form.

Of course some of you are thinking that the most beautiful gift in the world is the giving of the heart. And it is!!! Just know that life isn’t a fairytale. There is a price for every gift given, especially your heart.

By stealth you come.

To lean on that wall,

In the dark corner of my mind

Where no one sees.

I sense your gaze.

Arrogant, cool eyes, Look upon me through Shadows of my life.

I fight the need to Find those eyes.

To go to you there Standing like stone.

You called to me to Whisper damnation

For passion unrequited, In the dark corner of my heart.

I ache to turn My eyes up to yours.

Finger to lips that  Scorned so fiercely.

I need your hand Resting on my soul.

Words quietly filling the dark Speaking truth alone.

You and I, In darkness stood.

And you sparked the fire

To wickedly burn

Flames that blinded me,

So I could not see

So I could not find

So I could not be,Without you standing, Leaning on that wall

Like cold stone,

In the dark corner of my heart.

Do you ever wish, fervantly, that life had an undo button?

Wow, I do at times.

Unsend, undo, recant, negate…an action, sharp words, a letter, a blog…whatever.

Life does not however. That is why we have to learn from our mistakes or glean some kind of wisdom from them.

Sadly, we don’t always do this. I know I don’t, even if I do try. Sucks, doesn’t it? Smart woman, not so smart actions sometimes….

Fabulous.

Well, at times there are things powerful enough in us, to drive us into action, that wakes us up in the middle of the night to go “Oh, hell. What did I do??”…”What can I do now??”

If there is one thing I have learned, is that I best keep on learning from myself and pay attention to my little fairy voice more than my analytical mind and my romantic heart.

My inner fairy voice is the wise one. My fairy voice better known to some as “Gut Feeling”, while an extremely unattractive word, speaks volumes.

Today will not be a day for wishing for the undo button. There are no takesy backsies. I have learned I need to just stop and listen for a moment….
I have to be a bit more patient when met with lifes lessons.
If I learn one thing, just one…Doesn’t have to be big nor life changing…Just learn a lesson and keep it with me…
Today I just may be a little bit brighter than I was yesterday.

Just a little bit.